i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
