I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
