It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
