If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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