your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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