ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
