Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
