I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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