Your face is a jimmy john
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
