evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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