you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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