I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
