btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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