If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
