I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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