Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
