where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
