The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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