I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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