And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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