You can't motorboat a personality
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
