as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
