yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
