Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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