I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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