Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
