I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
