You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you