ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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