he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.