i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
