and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
