this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
