I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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