Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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