it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize