i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
