Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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