I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
