I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
