Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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