After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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