I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
