Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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