i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
