Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she woke up with a sticky ear
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.