Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
how do flat chested girls get laid?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
