My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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