So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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