i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
