Having a random hookup so left but love u
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
