I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
