Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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