If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
