1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
