Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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