so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
