he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
