I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
