bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
