She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
