I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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