I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
