Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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