one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
