I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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