So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
