I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
