Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
